Over the last week, I have received valuable feedback about Make College Count. The very high compliments came by phone, email and in person. Keep in mind, the book is written for teenagers about to go off to college or early in the college experience. My desire was to write something that was short and simple, but wasn’t trite or simplistic. While I do enjoy hearing good things about the book from parents and youth workers, it is hearing how the book has been helpful to the primary reader that motivates me the most. Here’s a sample of some of the comments I received recently:
A youth pastor from Maryland called to say that he has been handing out Make College Count “like candy” (now there’s a good idea for Halloween!), especially to students who are feeling pressure and stress about their senior year of high school and making the “right” college decision. According to the pastor, Make College Count and The Outrageous Idea of Academic Faithfulness helps students put education and college in proper perspective and alleviates much of the stress around the college choice.
A parent told me that his son “actually read” Make College Count and that it led to some of the most meaningful conversations they have ever had.
A Resident Director (RD) at a liberal arts college used Make College Count in his training of student Resistant Assistants (RAs) and said that it helped them engage other students on “bigger” questions about life and faith.
This is just a sampling of some of the conversations I have had in the last week about the book. Truth be told, I think the feedback I like hearing the most is when someone tells me that a teenager “actually read it.” That’s what I was hoping for! It is humbling to know that the book had been helpful to others. My prayer is that it continues to be a catalyst for conversation about college and faith after high school.
The Wall Street Journal recently reported on new statistics concerning college student drinking. It appears that the abuse of alcohol could be on the decline. According to the article in The Wall Street Journal: “About 37% of college students engage in binge drinking, defined as consuming five or more drinks in a row during the preceding two weeks, according to 2009 data from a long-term study at the University of Michigan. That is down about 3% from 2008 levels, but still higher than high-school seniors and young adults who don’t attend college.” The colleges that have been able to curtail binge drinking on campus are those that are providing non-drinking, entertaining events for students. More and more students seem to be craving an alternative to “party scene.”
Many students that you know and love are either on college campuses right now or plan to head to college next fall. Some students may be nervous about the college cultural expectations to “go wild,” and have questions about how to resist the temptations that lie ahead. As you engage in conversations with college-bound students, here are five things to be sure to communicate…
On Sunday afternoon, I had the opportunity to speak to a group of college bound high school students and their parents at Sayre Woods Bible Church in Old Bridge, NJ. I opened my talk by mentioning a recent article by an admission’s counselor from the University of Pennsylvania. The article is entitled “Fear of Talking” and in it the author observes that parents and teens are not talking about one of the most important transitions in life. He writes, “[The students] talk to me about their hopes for college, but few have the same conversation with their parents.” Why aren’t parents and teens having meaningful conversations about college? Fear. Here’s a quote worth considering:
“Parents don’t think they put stress on their teens. Teens disagree. There is an implied understanding, an unarticulated perception of expectation between the teen and parent; but with so much at stake, you would think teens and parents would intentionally sit down and actually talk about what the other thinks, hopes for and expects. Too often you’d be wrong. Teens and parents tend not to talk to each other about this crucial matter because they are afraid to talk.”
Afraid to talk? It isn’t easy engaging teens in conversations about future plans. Teens do tend to be under a lot of stress. They do, in fact, have many pressures, real and perceived, about succeeding in life. And, truth be told, our busy schedules and lives can sometimes limit the opportunities we have to talk to them about things that matter most. But here’s what I’ve discovered: creating space to have meaningful and honest conversations about life after high school often lessens the pressure and stress. It’s not easy, to be sure. And we may not always like what we hear teenagers say. But I think it is better to be on the same page, to know where teens are coming from, than to assume we know what they are thinking.
I mentioned to the group on Sunday that one of the reasons I am passionate about doing the College Transition Seminar is to be a catalyst for conversation between parents and their kids before heading off to college. The most meaningful feedback I receive is when a parent or teen lets me know that something I said sparked a much needed conversation. I hope that happened on Sunday in New Jersey.
Related resources:
Book:Make College Count (includes discussion questions to engage teens in conversation)
During my seminar for transitioning high school students and their parents, a parent made a comment that was very helpful. I was discussing the place of doubt within the life of a follower of Christ. One of my main points I really wanted the students to grasp was this: “It is okay to ask questions and to have doubts about faith.” In fact, I explained, doubting is part of the normal process of taking ownership of their faith. I challenged students with these words:
Faith does not deepen through being allowed to stagnate, but through being applied. In this respect, doubt is a positive thing. It is a stimulus to growth in faith. It snaps us out of complacency. – Alister McGrath
The reason many of us do not ardently believe in the gospel is that we have never given it rigorous testing, thrown our hard questions at it, faced it with our most prickly doubts. – Eugene Peterson
A parent raised his hand and made an insightful observation. He turned toward the students and said, “If you come across a difficult problem in algebra, you don’t have a math crisis. You go to someone for help. And you start with the assumption that you will be able to find an answer. Do the same thing when questions arise about the Christian faith.”
Now that’s a great point! Questions and doubts will come. The question is what will students do with them? Will they go looking for answers: asking pastors, reading books, taking them to God in prayer? I hope so. Here’s my advice in Make College Count: “Just know that when you hear a powerful argument against Christian faith, chances are pretty good that you can find a thoughtful Christian response.”
A recent Barna Group Update revealed “Six Reasons Young Christians Leave Church.” Here’s reason #6: “The church feels unfriendly to those who doubt.” Here are a few resources to help us better prepare students for the doubts they will face and for helping the church to be a more welcoming place for those who are wrestling with faith:
The Barna Group has been criticized of late for supposedly being “alarmist” and for using a flawed research methodology. Most of the criticism has come from a few, Christian, social scientists. I think much of the criticism is overstated. What is so refreshing about You Lost Me is that it doesn’t rely solely on Barna statistics. It pulls from a variety of sources and notes the shortcomings of all research. David writes:
“I want to provide here a nuanced, data-driven assessment of young adults’ faith journeys. In our evidence gathering, interviews, and data analysis, the Barna team’s goal is to construct the most accurate picture we can of cultural reality, because the church is called to be the church in the real world. In this research, we have done our best to uncover the facts and the truth of the dropout problem, and this book is the compilation of our best thinking on the subject thus far—but it is hardly the final answer.”
I have read much of and have benefitted greatly from the recent sociological research on the religious attitudes of late adolescents and emerging adults (Jeffrey Arnett, Chap Clark, Tim Clydesdale, Donna Freitas, Christian Smith, Robert Wuthnow). David’s findings affirm and support much of what is found among leading social scientists. My hope is that You Lost Meis received as a welcomed addition to that conversation. It is as good and as thorough as anything else I have read concerning young adult spirituality.
You Lost Me is clear and compelling. It is thoughtful and balanced. My hope is that it is read by everyone concerned for the church; pastors, parents, educators, even students will benefit from David’s wisdom. David has found his voice as a writer and researcher. I hope there will be many more books to follow. What a gift to the church!
David rightly identifies the church “dropout problem” as a “disciple-making” problem. He writes, “The church is not adequately preparing the next generation to follow Christ in a rapidly changing culture.” You Lost Me not only identifies the reasons why many young adults stop attending church but it also provides disciples-making suggestions for how to get them back. I hope it is widely read.
